L’evidence : Like most well educated folk I keep my pooing to my own house. It is comfortable, the reading material is plentiful and I do not have to worry about stinking out the place.

However, every so often one is caught short and you have to go against every instinct in your body and take a crap in someone else’s gaff.

The reason this is a problem is because you never take a good crap, like the ones which come out in less than 10 seconds and require no wiping, or the little rabbit dropping ones which, although they will plinky-plonky in the toilet bowl, are probably the least offensive craps a human can produce.

No, when you have a BM in someone else’s house it’s because you haven’t fully managed to evacuate before leaving home. Perhaps a combination of drink, drugs, kebabs and other substances has left your bowels in a state. The one you plopped at home was barely half-cooked. The other half was still basting in your gizzards and when the bell pings it has to come out.

They are almost always painful, they almost always take an age to fully give birth too and they are, not almost, but ALWAYS, always the smelliest of all shites. If you can imagine the stink of a dead tramp’s corpse, being feasted on by a special variety of maggot who eats the rotting flesh and then vomits out a substance which smells like a mix of 4 day old smegma, Paris Hilton’s minge and a Roscommon slurry pit.

The worst part is there’s always someone waiting outside to use it. Even if you open the window it makes no odds. You have to sit and wait for a while to hope the smell dies down enough so that when that person goes in after you they don’t immediately call the authorities to raze the house to the ground because of the impossible infection that has been unleashed in their bog.

And isn’t always the downstairs loo as well so that when the door opens the stench wafts through the house? It is.

Le Verdict : I love a good poo but having to do it in someone else’s house is a big pile of ‘I know we all poo and all poo smells but Jesus Christ I wouldn’t inflict this on my worst enemy’ Le Cunt.

L’evidence:

Who does he think he is, just turning up at other people’s bathrooms to back one out?  I very much doubt that when Paul’s parents picked up this new air freshener that the intention was to lure annoying uppity, still shitting yellow anyway lecunts. Or maybe it was and him ending up as some perverts finger puppet is what’s needed to put some manners on him. If this little cunt showed up at my door looking to take a shit in my bathroom, he’d find himself at the business end of a shallow grave.

Personally I’d love to have a go at making the other ad, from the point of view of Paul’s house and all who dwell within. I’d let the little cunt go into the bathroom to do his poo as planned and then every member of Paul’s family would get to curl one out into his backpack while he sprayed that air freshner to his heart’s content completely unaware.

Le Verdict : Someone so completely cuntish that he goes to other people’s bathrooms to stink the place out.  And why would you go home just to tell someone you were going back out to shit in someone else’s gaff? Smelly to the point of self disgust, annoying and time wasting Le Cunt.

Submitted by: Maxi Cane