Le Cunt : The fact that half your dinner gets caught in your choppers when you eat certain foods

L’evidence : Tonight I cooked for myself a delicious, organic corn on the cob. Personally I prefer the frozen ones but these were on special offer in the supermarket and I’m a thrifty fucker at the best of times so I bought them. With the corn I had a steak.

It was delicious, thanks for asking, but afterwards I was left with corn and bits of meat stuck between my teeth. I cannot floss as the sensation of it makes me want to puke. I always feel like I’m going to either pull one of my teeth out or give myself a paper-cut style cut which would not stop bleeding for days.

I am, as I write this, tongueing away madly trying to remove these bits of food. Some of them nearly come loose then go back into their hidey holes. I have brushed my teeth twice but the stuff is still there.

Has it ever occured to anyone that humans have stopped evolving? Because if we still were we wouldn’t have loads of different teeth which get stuff stuck between them, we’d have one giant tooth on the top and one giant tooth on the bottom with different shapes, ridges and lengths depending on where it was in your mouth. But the overall structure would be uniform.

You cannot get something caught between one thing. It is physically, scientifically and melodically impossible.

I’m now swooshing with red wine to help dislodge some of the debris but I just know that some time on Friday I’m gonna move my tongue around and out will come a kernel of corn. And after I eat that kernel it will come out exactly the same in my poo. But that’s a story for another day.

Le Verdict : Teeth are great but shockingly badly designed, leaving us mere mortals to re-chew our dinner way after we’ve finished, the enamel Le Cunts.

(6 votes, average: 9.50 out of 10)

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