L’evidence : These, admittedly, are often cheap frozen pizzas but surely there must be an international standard which is applied to the manufacture of all pizzas. There should be three things:

1 – Base – crispy, thin, deep pan, whatever. Hard to go too far wrong here unless you’re using ground up breeze blocks as flour. Which is mainly a Chinese thing, I believe.

2 – Sauce – tomato based. Again if you get this wrong you are probably the kind of cunt who can’t spell Michael.

3 – Cheese. Mozarella. It’s very simple. Cover the base and the sauce with cheese. Do not just grab a handful of what appears to be cheese but is mostly sawdust or invisible nothing and then put it on a pizza, freeze it and expect me to eat it.

Not putting enough cheese on a pizza is kind of like not putting enough roof on a car and nobody wants to buy a car which only has 14% of its roof, do they?

You wouldn’t even sell a car with only a bit of a roof because even if you were the most idiotic wanklord that ever existed you would stop and think “There is something fundamentally flawed with the item I am hoping to sell”. Yet the same rules don’t seem to apply for sub €1.99 frozen pizzas. It’s little short of a disgrace.

Le verdict : It may well be a case of buyer beware but in these cruel economic times to be so roundly slapped in the face by bargain priced frozen goods is a load of cheeseless, might as well eat a piece of baked cardboard with Easi Singles on it, Le Cunt.