Le Cunt : Pizzas without enough cheese on them

L’evidence : These, admittedly, are often cheap frozen pizzas but surely there must be an international standard which is applied to the manufacture of all pizzas. There should be three things:

1 – Base – crispy, thin, deep pan, whatever. Hard to go too far wrong here unless you’re using ground up breeze blocks as flour. Which is mainly a Chinese thing, I believe.

2 – Sauce – tomato based. Again if you get this wrong you are probably the kind of cunt who can’t spell Michael.

3 – Cheese. Mozarella. It’s very simple. Cover the base and the sauce with cheese. Do not just grab a handful of what appears to be cheese but is mostly sawdust or invisible nothing and then put it on a pizza, freeze it and expect me to eat it.

Not putting enough cheese on a pizza is kind of like not putting enough roof on a car and nobody wants to buy a car which only has 14% of its roof, do they?

You wouldn’t even sell a car with only a bit of a roof because even if you were the most idiotic wanklord that ever existed you would stop and think “There is something fundamentally flawed with the item I am hoping to sell”. Yet the same rules don’t seem to apply for sub €1.99 frozen pizzas. It’s little short of a disgrace.

Le verdict : It may well be a case of buyer beware but in these cruel economic times to be so roundly slapped in the face by bargain priced frozen goods is a load of cheeseless, might as well eat a piece of baked cardboard with Easi Singles on it, Le Cunt.

(5 votes, average: 9.80 out of 10)

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Popularity: 2% [?]

Le Cunt : The never ending glut of unfunny subtitled sketches made from Hitler’s bunker speech in the film ‘Downfall’

L’evidence : Just go to YouTube, look for one. Watch it for 4 minutes and never laugh once. The reason you won’t laugh is because they are not funny. Not even the very first one was funny but every day it is estimated that another 494,000 are belched into life online as Hitler rants and raves about such things as football transfers, X-Factor auditions, Ted Kennedy’s death and the break-up of Oasis.

Here’s a message for anyone thinking about making one:

Fick Dich, Dummkopf!

Le Verdict : There are many things that are not funny in this world. Noel Fielding, Brendan Grace or any episode of Family Guy made in the last three years but the Hitler shit is less than funny than all of them put together, blended up with cancer and AIDS and then injected into your children. Someone needs to send people who makes these things to some kind of chamber to learn about what makes things gas, the unfunny, dich liching Le Cunts.

(8 votes, average: 9.88 out of 10)

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Popularity: 4% [?]

Le Cunt : The exploitation of Muhammed Ali

L’evidence : Muhammed Ali is to be granted the dubious honour of Freeman of Ennis, which is a bit like being awarded the key to Clondalkin for all the good it’d do you.

Stricken with Parkinson’s Disease he is unable to speak, yet he’s wheeled out for people to have their photo taken with him at a dinner he can’t eat. There’ll be a civic reception to give him the award he won’t understand and to add insult to injury there’s going to be an open air concert featuring Mundy. Mundy. For fucks sake.

Ok, so what if the whole tour has been arranged as a charity fundraiser backed by a biotech firm? So what if Ali sits there, glassy-eyed, expressionless, while grinning gombeens have their picture taken with him? So what if it’s tragic beyond words to see the world’s greatest ever boxer destroyed by an illness, a shadow of a man, let alone his former self? So what if an old man is stripped of his dignity for the benefit of others?

So go pay €650 to go have dinner with him and contribute to his exploitation. Tell everyone about the night you met a legend. Go on, you fucking cunts.

Le Verdict : It’s a pitiful sight, like seeing Angelina Jolie sunbathing asleep, naked on the beach and taking a picture of yourself beside one of her tits with your mobile phone, you shameless Le Cunts.

(9 votes, average: 10.00 out of 10)

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Popularity: 3% [?]