Le Cunt : Having to shake the hand of some person you have never met.

L’evidence : I submit the image as a mere taster of what has been proferred to me down the ages. Why do we shake hands? It is the done thing. People say it is polite.

But wouldn’t it be just as polite to wave gently and say ‘How do you do?’ when you meet somebody for the first time? If you get to know this person a bit better and you can be relatively sure that they have somewhat clean hands then you can decide it’s appropriate to shake hands when you encounter one another.

How do any of us know where those hands have been? Perhaps they have been fondling the breasts of a gypsy girl, their foul milk and downy fur coating the palms that the person wants you to touch. Perhaps the person you are expected to shake hands with has been fingering somebody or fingering themselves. They may have had an intolerable itch upon their stinkbox and been forced to go beneath the underwear for the kind of scratch that brings some peace.

There are innumerable places a person’s hands might have been before you meet them and, unquestioning, you simply take one of those hands in yours, sweat on sweat, your pores opening to allow the germs, virii, filth and assorted palm flotsam to enter your own body.

It is a filthy, ghastly habit and from this day forth I shall refuse to shake hands with complete strangers. I shall say “Please do not be offended but for all I know you’ve been using your hands to maul spunk into your mouth like Winnie the Pooh eats honey. I am glad to meet you but I will not shake your hand until we are better acquainted”.

I think people will appreciate my forthright approach.

Le Verdict : Society’s rules dictate that we are ill-mannered if we do not shake hands but surely it’s bad manners to wipe your own grime onto the hand of a complete stranger. It’s a load of demure Le Cunt.

(10 votes, average: 5.60 out of 10)

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