Cloves
Le Cunt : Cloves, foul tasting bits of stick
L’evidence : There are many ways you could try and explain the taste of cloves to somebody. There are those who would use the word ‘aromatic’ but these are the kind of people who would listen to the Ryan Tubridy radio show and speak afterwards about what a genial wit the host was. In other words, these people are mentally retarded on a very serious level.
To give you a flavour of the flavour here are 5 things that taste better than cloves:
1 – The top of a battery
2 – The sweaty, lice infested gooch of a very fat homeless man
3 – Gone off fish minced with gone off chicken and fried in piss
4 – A poo that has been sealed inside a zip-locked plastic bag for 6 months and left out in the sun so it grows a kind of green slime all over it
5 – KFC
The list, frankly, could go on forever, yet people use cloves to spoil food. Apple pie is one of the greatest things of all time yet there are those that would serve it with cloves embedded in the crust. Why?
Would you serve a piece of Kobi beef, cooked to perfection, and then use a baby’s diarrhea as a sauce? No you would not. Would you serve a rack of lamb but instead of using fresh rosemary as a complimentary herb would you use nettles? Of course not.
So why use cloves on Apple pie? And why use cloves in whiskey? Whiskey is awesome, hot whiskey less so, but even lesserly so when they chuck a handful of dried clove buds into it. I don’t want a cluster of pig-swill in the top of my pint so fuck off with putting cloves in my whiskey.
And don’t even get me started on clove rock sweets. They look so tasty, red and white candy that should be all strawberry-y and delicious but instead tastes of the vomitous clove.
Le Verdict : Cloves, as I have proven above, are monstrously nauseating yet what does the public do to have this menace banned from our shelves? Nothing. That means they are sneaky, mind controlling, repellent pieces of tree Le Cunt
(10 votes, average: 9.00 out of 10)
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Cloves do taste like ass and are in those horribly pretentious cigarettes some teenage girls smoke, but the cloves in whiskey tradition may have some folksy medicinal basis as a toothache or sore throat remedy. There’s an element in the cloves which numbs your gums/throat and eases the pain. You’d be right to argue that a throbbing tooth or throat is less noxious than the embalming flavour, however.
Cloves are a massive pain in the cock for waiters and bar staff as you can never find the fucking things when some jizzbag or other wants a hot whiskey….by jizzbag I mean tourist or old middle class person who “doesn’t really drink’…..cloves suck balls….
I concur, I would also add cinnamon and nutmeg to the list. They are equally effective in ruining a good apple tart
The only reason cloves cure toothache is down to the fact that the taste of the cloves are so disgusting that any thought of toothache is evaporated and all one’s concentration rests on the removal of one’s tongue with even the bluntest pair of scissors.