Le Cunt: Great Minds, a pyramid scheme of shit constructed entirely of semi-literate goobldegook marketing speak that would sully our very souls with its cynical, faux-spiritual money-grabbing kack.

L’evidence: We may as well begin here, at the pretty, pretty website of the company in question, with its joyfully rotating pictures of people sky diving, rock climbing, and in a brilliant fuck you to their adherents, building a human pyramid. Little do they suspect that the parachutes are rigged not to open but to detonate, that the rocks are made of dick cheese while their crampons are in fact tampons, and that the human pyramid is supported by a guy who will rifle through their pockets as he tosses off to the view of their privates before fucking off entirely to let every other gullible wanker fall to an embarrassing and wasteful fate.

Someone called Sinead Duffy

To briefly address some of the front pages queries: Could we be more productive and effective? Of course we fucking could. Could we be arsed being more productive and effective? Of course we fucking couldn’t. Are we passionate about achieving our goals? We might well be, if we had any. Do we need more focus and certainty? Jesus Christ, no. People who are certain about shit are either morons or cunts. There are no certainties, and the denial of this universal truth is for the religously insane  or the mindlessly robotic. Or you know, wing nut Americans.

It all gets much, much worse as one navigates through the site, inspiring quotes penned by luminaries such as J.K. Rowling, blogs entries detailing the almost running out of petrol plus the life lessons to be learned there from and depressing testimonials from either obscure or entirely made up businesses. There’s life coaching to be had or even a kind of celebrityless Monaghan inspired Scientology.  Also on offer are many levels of courses which enable one to inflict this turgid pyschobabble on one’s help for the measly fee of hundreds and hundreds of euro.

The prosecution rests with this quote from the company’s Twitter feed: ‘I take PRIDE in my work – Personal Responsibility in Delivering Excellence.’ “Le cunt!” I cry, “Le cunt!”

Le verdict: Feeding on the weak-willed, moronic and already festeringly corrupt Irish business world during what will soon become a recession of Icelandic proportions, Great Minds, though thankfully doomed, remains the worst kind of pointless, exploitative, Amercanised bullshit Le Cunt.

(5 votes, average: 7.60 out of 10)

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